"Awaiting Last Cross-Match"

I've been sitting here at my computer all evening reading people's stories about kidney donation. I'll tell you one thing. It's something that can give you a good feeling and scare the you know what out of you at the same time.

For the most part, the stories I've read have been nothing but beautiful. Most people have no problems.

The one thing that is worrying me is that people have come as far as the final cross-match (done 2 weeks before the scheduled surgery to make sure neither of us have developed new antibodies against each other) and failed. Masud and I have already had a cross-match blood test done and were a match.

I just read a story about someone that was a match and got to the final cross-match and it showed that they were not a match anymore. One of them had developed new antibodies since the first one. To me, that's horrible.

We've come so far. I don't want to let anyone down. I know I've done all I can. I guess I just need more prayers to make sure that this blood test goes ok. Please say a prayer for Masud and I, Melissa.

Monday is the day of the test. I am going to be going to a local hospital to have it done. As if that's not enough pressure, I'm having a photographer/videographer follow me (from our local newspaper, where I work) to take pictures and video. I have no idea what I'm going to say on the video. I'm definitely not a public speaker. I'm not shy, but it's not an interview. It will just be me talking for 1 or 2 minutes. Help! LOL!

I think that after this test, I'll finally be able to truly relax. I've been in pucker-mode ever since the first email that was exchanged between the recipient and I. It can be a stressful process. It's nothing I can't handle though. I'm pretty tough. I just want to give a true account of this whole process for my readers.

There may be people that are thinking of donating that read this. I want them to see the bad as well as the good. Mostly, this is a positive experience. It's just hard waiting to hear the results each time you have a test done. The days leading up to the tests, you get nervous. I have a very strong feeling of "I can't let this family down". I know that it's not in my control, but it's something that most people go through. It's normal from what I've read and been told.

Well, all I want is for everyone to keep praying. For now, just pray that the cross-match test shows that Masud and I are still a match.

I love all of you and thank you for your prayers so far.

Melissa

If you have any questions, please feel free to comment HERE or email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

"Questions Answered"

I have been asked to post my answers to some very frequently asked questions. This will help everyone understand better as to why I decided to do this.

1. Are you getting money for donating.

No. I am not receiving any money or gifts for this. It’s against the law. I’m simply doing this to help.

2. How much money is it costing YOU?

All of the flight, hotel, and rental car expenses are being paid by the recipient. This is something that not all recipients can afford to do. Some donors opt to pay that themselves, but I’m not in the position to do so. As far as work goes, I don’t anticipate missing much work b/c I’m taking my laptop with me. I’ll only be in the hospital 1 or 2 days. After that, I’ll be working from my hotel room.

3. How much time do you think this will cost you?

Wow. This is a hard question. I’ve never sat down and figured it all out. I would guess that by the time I’m done with the surgery and follow-up appointments, it will have taken me about 24 days worth of emailing back and forth, taking blood tests, traveling, surgery, and follow-up appointments. As far time off from work, it won’t be much. I’m lucky enough to have a job where I work from home on a computer. I can easily do most of my job from Phoenix. For someone that’s considering doing this and they don’t have the luxury of working from home, it could be a problem. They have to make sure that their boss is supportive of their decision and potential time off from work. I would say that they would miss an average of about 4 weeks total for testing and recovery; possibly more.
If you count time I've spend researching kidney donation, it's more like 40 days.

4. What do your boys think about it? Do they have different feelings about it due to their ages?

When I first approached my boys about this, they said, “What is that?” They didn’t even know what a kidney was. I showed a picture of it to them on the computer. I explained how I had two good ones and this man had no good ones and that I was just going to share one of my extra ones. My 8 year old son said, “That’s nice of you mommy.” My 5 year old said, “Yuck!” So, there is definitely a difference in intellectual understanding between the two of them. They have both been through surgeries with me before; even more major than this one. They know that mommy is pretty tough. They actually seem to be proud of me.

5. Have you thought about what would happen should one of your four boys need a kidney one day? What made you decide to donate even though they might need a kidney one day?

Yes, I have thought of that. It’s a question that I’ve been asked my many people. We don’t have kidney disease or diabetes in our family, so the likelihood of either of them having kidney disease is slim. They could have some kind of traumatic injury that could cause it. I’m the kind of person that believes that God must have given us two kidneys so that we could help others that don’t have a good one. I can’t withhold helping a sick person now just b/c one of my children MIGHT need one later. We have a large family, and I feel certain that we would have no trouble finding another kidney for my child. Plus, with the anti-rejections drugs that are available today, you don’t even have to be a perfect match.

6. You are a mom of four boys. There's always 'danger' in surgery. What pushed you toward this decision to donate despite that?

I am married. My husband is in the Air Force and is currently stations in Kuwait until the end of September. Since my two step-sons live with their own mother, that’s not a concern. They will be taken care of. My boys will naturally go live with their father if something should happen to me during surgery. I know that they will be well taken care of and loved as much as I love them. It will be hard on them, but I hope that they would be proud of me anyway. If it’s God’s will for me to die donating a kidney, I’m ok with that. I have complete confidence in the doctors and staff at Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. It’s one of the best transplant hospitals in the country. They have not lost even one donor yet. That’s good enough odds for me.

7. What are the ethical issues, if any, you've dealt with and how did you resolve them?

The ethical issues I’ve dealt with are that I’m donating to a “stranger”. I put stranger in quotations because I feel like I’ve known this family forever. I originally met them on LivingDonorsOnline.org. So, ethicists wonder why someone would go out of their way to donate an organ to someone they don’t know. What benefit would I get from it? With a family member or friend, you get the benefit of having them around longer. With a stranger, you don’t get that. For me, the simple thought of being able to help someone is my benefit. My feet haven’t touched the ground ever since I found out we were a match. All I want out of this is simply to help another human being.
One other ethical question I’ve been asked is “Do you think you’re playing God by choosing your donor directly?”. My answer is no. I don’t. I feel like I used the avenue that was available to me. It was either that or not at all, because I didn’t know of another way at the time. I knew there was a National Registry, but it costs about $75-80 to be tested, and the donor has to pay. I just couldn’t afford it. I feel like God would be proud that I’m helping, plain and simple.

"The Cause"

Some people ask me why I'm doing this. This is a question that I've answered many times. I am simply doing it to help another person in need. I've always been a giving person. This just seems natural to me. It won't significantly affect my life, so why not?

Why am I blogging about this? It helps to answer many of my family and friends questions about kidney donation. Also, I'm hoping that it will bring attention to people in hopes that more people will come forward and donate.

I feel that there are a lot of people out there with big hearts that would be more than happy to donate to someone if they knew someone that needed one. Well, only a small percent of people know someone that needs a kidney, yet there are so many out there that do. There are also many that die each day waiting for a matching kidney that never comes. It's a needless and preventable death. Many of these people are children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. It breaks my heart.

I was one of the people that wondered how I could donate to someone if I didn't know anyone that needed one. I had called the National Registry and found out that it cost money to get put on the list. It cost ME money to be tested! I didn't have it. So, I forgot about it.

It wasn't until a friend at school told me that he was waiting on a kidney that I reentertained the thought of donating. Unfortunately, we were not compatible blood types. As heartbreaking as it was to me, I knew that there had to be someone out there that I could help. To me it didn't really matter who it was.

I didn't really want to help out a serial killer or rapist, so I started looking online. That's when I found the website LivingDonorsOnline.org. This website was a Godsend to me. It was just what I had been looking for. I just needed a way to communicate with others that were searching for a kidney. So, I posted my blood type and told people that were compatible to email me. That's where it all began.

There is also a site called MatchingDonors.org that I've seen. This site works a little differently. It's more like a dating site. You get to see more about your potential recipient. They recipient has to pay a membership fee to have their profile on the site. The potential donors are free. So, the donors get on the site and look around until they find one they like.

Some say that it's ethically wrong to do it that way; that you're playing God. You're only picking people that have great computer and/or writing skills and possibly even the best looking candidate. Personally, I didn't like that site as much as the one that was more anonymous. I was willing to give my kidney to the first interested person that I got a good feeling from.

Unfortunately, there was no way of telling if the person was a serial killer or any of that. After talking to this family, the Mayo Clinic, and their friends, I feel pretty sure that he's not.

I feel very comfortable with this family and love them dearly. I feel blessed to be a part of their lives. Masud and I will forever share a bond that only he and I can understand. And, if after the surgery, he and his family decide that they want to move and and not revisit that part of their life over and over, I'm ok with not being a long-time friend as well. I will just write to make sure that he's ok. As far as I can tell, his wife, Sharmin, intends on staying friends with me. She and I bonded pretty instantly.

I also just came across a really neat site that talks about a sort of "chain donating". Click on this link to see the video:
http://www.kidneyregistry.org/

If anyone has any ethical issues that they would like to discuss with me, feel free to either leave a comment HERE or email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

"Another In Need"

I just came across a random blog of a man from Atlanta whose blood type is O. He is searching for anyone willing to donate that is either O+ or O-. You can click on the link below to read his blog and contact him:
http://danneedsakidney.blogspot.com/2008/05/calling-all-type-os.html

"Good News!"

I'm approved! I got the call today around 5:00 p.m. saying that I am approved to donate my kidney to Masud Khondoker, a 44 year old man that lives in the Phoenix area, but is originally from Bangladesh, India. What are the odds?

This is the call that I've been so hoping to hear. Amongst all the chaos of my life, this is some very welcome news. I feel truly blessed to be the one "chosen" to donate. I may have actually sought him out, but I still feel as though I was chosen by a greater power, God.

I want to thank everyone for all of their prayers. It worked!!!!!!!!

I guess the next step is to start praying that the surgery is a success.

Yiipppeeee!!!!!

Leave comments by clicking HERE.
Or you can email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com

"Will the Call Ever Come?"

I'm anxiously awating the phone call to find out if I was approved or not to donate. They review panel at Mayo Clinic in Phoenix is meeting as I type this (Tuesday).

I was told I would know by the end of the day or tomorrow some time. As soon as I know I will post it here.

Until then, keep praying.

"Leaving Arizona"

I finally made it home! My plane arrived really late last night. I got stuck in Atlanta for several hours. I now understand how all of those people feel that are trying to travel around the holidays. I was laying on the floor and using my carry-on as a pillow. I have a new appreciation for the people that work at the airport check-in desks. They were getting chewed out constantly for things that were not within their control. It's got to be a horrible job.

Anyway, moving on.........

As far as I know, all the tests went pretty well. There are still a couple of them that they don't have the results of. I was told that the "review committee" will meet Tuesday morning to decide whether or not I'm approved to donate. Their team gets together every Tuesday to go over any patients that have been testing. I'm supposed to find out Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday. Wish me luck!

I have a pretty good feeling. Of course, there is always the chance that they found something that I don't know about. I do know that they found a kidney stone in my right kidney. How ironic is that?! They said that it was so small that I should pass it without any problems. Sounds like fun huh? Apparently, that won't affect me donating.

I'll let everyone know as soon as I find out.

Please feel free to leave comments or ask any questions by clicking HERE.
Or, you can email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

"Another Day of Testing"

I'm now on my 2nd full day of testing at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, AZ. Things have been pretty intense the last couple of days. I had heard that they really put potential donors through the ringer and they weren't kidding. To me, the psychiatrist was the hardest part. Her job is to bring up all of the most horrible parts of your past and see how you react to that. Then, to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't donate a kidney to someone. I understand that they have to do that to make sure that I'm not crazy and can handle the pressure.

Mainly the testing process is difficult b/c there are so many different tests. They check you from head to toe, inside to outside. Since these doctors took the oath to do no harm, they have to be really sure that they're not going to take a perfectly healthy, YOUNG (yes, I said young) woman and make her worse.

For now, I don't have any answers. I feel like everything has gone fine so far. But, the tests results won't be in until later in the week. I wanted to add a few pictures that were taken last night when I went to Masud's house to meet some of their closest friends.

"Let the Testing Commence"

Well, I finally made it to Pheonix. I'm sitting in my hotel room. I met Masud, Sharmin, and their two little boys today at the airport. I spent the rest of the evening with them. We got a rental car, my hotel room, and then went out to dinner. We all had a great time! Here's a picture from dinner below:

I have to start by telling what happened when I got off the plane though. They were all waiting for me right outside the security checkpoint. When I came around the corner, I could see this tiny woman running towards me. She way crying. It was Sharmin (Masud, the recipient's, wife). Sharmin and I hugged for at least 3 minutes. Behind her was Masud, Fahib (10 yr old son), and Maheeb (4 yr old son). Fahib handed me a teddy bear with a Arizona tshirt on and said, "Thank you so much for coming!" Of course, Masud and I hugged. Then, I hugged the little one. He's adorable. He reminds me a lot of my little one.

I had met a guy about my age on the plane. He was sitting next to me. We talked and I told him the story about how I was flying to Pheonix for medical tests b/c I was donating my kidney to a stranger. He was in awe. I think I ended up talking him into considering it himself. It's a very personal decision; that's for sure. Well, he walked with me off the plane and to the place where I was to meet this family. I think he was making sure everything was ok. I thought it was sweet. He stood there while I hugged all of them. I think when he saw her cyring, it made his decision. I could just see that look on his face.

Well, I'm going to make this one short. It's past midnight Shreveport time. So, I'm pretty tired. I'll write more each night to let everyone know how the tests are going. Keep praying for all of us.

Melissa

"Making the Decision"

I decided to change the title of my blogs so that people searching on the internet could read about my experience. I have found a lot of comfort in reading about other people that have gone through a similar experience. There is a ton of good information out there. I feel that it helped me make my decision to do this.

Even though it wasn't hard for me to decide to donate my kidney to a stranger, it's a big decision for some people; especially when you're donating to a stranger. You definitely have to have the support of your family and friends. It's not really something that I talk to my parents much about. It's a conversation that I dreaded having. I knew that they would be worried. I was not looking forward to trying to convince them that I had NOT lost my mind. Surprisingly, they were ok with it. They're concerned, just as I would be for my kids. I understand that part.

I feel that if they knew this family like I've grown to know them, they would know why I was doing this." This are some of the nicest, most genuine, people that I've met in a while. I guess b/c they are so gracious. I never did this to get any kind of thanks or gratitude from anyone. I am doing it simply to help another human being. I'm mainly doing it b/c they have two little boys that won't grow up to see their father without a transplant. How could I not help?

I'm so glad that she wrote in her original email that she had two boys (most of the first emails came from the recipient's wife). That's what drew me in to this family as opposed to the handful of other families that had written me. For those of you that don't know, I met this person on LivingDonorsOnline.org. It's a site that has message boards where you can list your blood type and offer your kidney to anyone that matches. The site will then send you emails if someone tries to contact you. When I first signed up, I got a lot of emails. I am A+ which is a very common blood type. When I opened my email the next day, I had about 15 emails from different families begging for my help. It was heart wrenching. I had to decide which family I wanted to write back. I couldn't make that decision so I wrote all of them back asking what the first step would be. I "took" the one that answered my question. I was looking for that feeling that it was right. I immediately felt this when I got her email. The only thing that I asked was that she send me pictures. I wanted to see who I was talking to. Of course, I sent her pictures of me. After that, the rest was easy.

Please feel free to leave comments or ask any questions by clicking HERE.
Or, you can email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

"Anxiously Waiting"

Well, I only have 3 days before I leave for Pheonix, AZ to begin the medical tests to see if I'm healthy enough to donate my kidney. I have to say that I'm a little anxious. Not really b/c of the tests but because of the fact that I'm going to meet the recipient and his family for the first time. I'm not sure why that makes me nervous.

I guess I'm worried that they won't like me or that we will run out of things to talk about. I'm sure that they are a lot more worried than I am. They have to think about the possibility that I could back out. I know that I would never do that, but I've heard stories of it happening.

I'm not at all nervous about having the surgery. I've had several surgeries in my life and have always healed very quickly. I think part of that is b/c I'm stubborn and refuse to sit around and wait for my body to heal. I tend to do thing before I'm supposed to. When I had my hysterecomty (ovaries removed) earlier this year, I was up at the office after only 5 days. There were just things that had to be done. Mostly I worked from home, but I wasn't in much pain, so I went up there.

I'm a firm believer in taking the pain medicine that they give me to take. I don't think there is any reason to suffer. I don't have a high pain tolerance so it's usually needed. Some people can stop taking them before they leave the hospital, but that's just not me. I guess I'm not that tough.

Anyway, I need everyone's prayers while I'm gone. Pray that they decide I'm healthy enough to donate and that I pass the barrage of psychological tests they give me. They mainly want to see that I'm donating for the right reasons. I know I am, but I now have to prove it to strangers.

Wish me luck!

Please feel free to leave comments or ask any questions by clicking HERE. Or, you can email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

"A Little More Detail"

So, once I realized that this was something that I definitely wanted to pursue, I asked Masud's (the recipient) wife, Sharmin, what I needed to do.

She informed me that they were currently going through testing with a local person (Phoenix, AZ). She told me that the Mayo Clinic would only test one possible donor at a time. She said for me to pray that that person was a match. I told her that they were in my prayers

About a week later, she emailed me saying that she just found out that the other person "was not a match-cannot donate". Those were her exact words. Can you imagine what a letdown that is to a family that is praying for a miracle? She also asked if I was still interested. Still interested? Of course!

Immediately I wrote back to her and told her that I was still very interested and needed to know what the first step would be for me.

She called her tranplant coordinator at Mayo Clinic and then emailed me back. She said that I would be working with my own tranplant coordinator at Mayo and her name was Maya. I was given her phone number and asked to call her. I called her immediately. I had to leave a voicemail. About 3 days later, I talked to Maya. She told me that the first step was a phone interview about my medical history. She said that someone would be calling me soon.

So, for the next few days, I waiting for that call. It was stressful. When the phone finally rang, of course I was pulling into my driveway. My kids were fighting and I was trying to calm them down. Thankfully, the lady on the other end of the line was very patient.

For about 30 minutes, she asked me about everything medical thing that has ever happened to me. It took a while to tell her all that. Despite my extensive medical history, I remain pretty healthy. All the bad parts have been removed. I was informed that the next step was for someone to review my interview to see if I sounded healthy enough to proceed to the next step, blood tests.

About a week later, I got that call. They were sending me a package in the mail and I was to take it to a local lab and have my blood drawn, then Fed-Ex it back to the Mayo Clinic. It was an odd process to me.

I went to Willis-Knighton Pierremont to the hospital lab. They drew the blood for me. They didn't even charge anything to do it. I thought that was nice. Once I left there, I realized that there were some very specific instructions on how to package these vials of blood. Instead of going back into the hospital, I went across the street to my ob/gyn's office. They have a lab inside. I told the ladies there what I was doing and they helped me package everything up the correct way. Thanks ladies! I then Fed-Ex'd the package overnight to Mayo Clinic.

Now came the hard part. I had to wait a little over a week to find out if Masud and I were a match. The chances of two strangers from different nationalities being a match are very slim. I'm not sure what the odds are, but I think it's like 1:500,000. So, I prepared myself for the fact that we probably wouldn't be a match.

I was shopping in Old Navy when I got the call. It was Maya. She said, "Melissa, I have some good news! You were a perfect match to Masud. You can proceed with the next step.

"Wow! I was stunned. I called Sharmin, Masud's wife right there in Old Navy. She was so excited. She couldn't believe it. She said, "I've always felt like I was talking to my sister, so I can see how you two would match."

Well, after a little bit of celebrating, we had to wait yet again. This time for the phone call to come to set up scheduling for all the medical tests that will need to be done to make sure I'm healthy enought to donate.

We got that call much earlier than expected. Within 1 day of finding out we were a match, the tests were scheduled. I did find out that I would have to fly to Phoenix, AZ to do the tests. I have to meet with the surgical team, have many psychological tests done, MRI's, CT scans, X-rays, blood tests, etc., etc., etc..

So, I leave June 22 for 4 days. If I pass all the tests, they will then schedule the surgery. I'm hoping to have it done this summer. The sooner the better. I would like to be able to be here when my youngest son starts kindergarten and my other son goes into 3rd grade.

Until then, everyone keep this family and me in your prayers. Please pray that the doctor's will find that I'm healthy enough to donate. Also, pray that Masud's health will remain good enough to make it to the surgery.

I'll keep everyone updated.

"How It All Began......."

On April 12th, 2008, I began a journey that would lead me to the point I am at now. I am going through the process of donating a kidney to what was a complete stranger.

Throughout this process, we have become good friends.

Many ask me, "What made you decide to donate your kidney to a stranger?"That is not a simple question, but the only simple answer I can give is, "Because I can!"

While attending Bossier Parish Community College a few semesters ago, I learned of a classmate that was on dialysis and needed a kidney. As soon as he told me about it, I said, "I would need to talk to my husband first, but I would be more than happy to donate a kidney to you if I were a match". He was touched. We soon found out that our blood types were not compatible. It broke my heart that I could not help him.

After that, I wanted to find out if I could be placed on the National Registry, if there even was one. I found that that it did exist, but it costs $75 to get tested. At the time, I couldn't have afforded that.

So, I did some more research on living kidney donation. I came across a website called LivingDonorsOnline.org. I was curious. So I went to the site and clicked on the message boards. Basically, it was a lot of people, like me, that were entertaining the thought of donating to someone.

They would post their blood type and email address. So, I thought, "Why not?" I posted that I was A+ and willing to donate my "extra" kidney to anyone that needed it. I got many, many emails. Some of them were not very personal. I responded to all of them asking what the first step would be. Most of them never wrote me back. But, on April 19, 2008, I got a reply from a woman named Sharmin Khondoker. She was desperately looking for a kidney for her husband and the father of her two little boys, ages 4 and 10.

Having boys that age myself, it caught my attention. How horrible would it be for those children to know that their daddy will not live much longer without a transplant. Not only did Masud (the man needing the transplant) need a transplant, but he had a very long wait to get a cadaver kidney. He needed help and fast! He needed a miracle in the form of a live donor.

I found Sharmin's email to be very heartwrenching. It's the one that spoke to me. I immediately started praying that God would lead me in the right direction. I constantly asked, "Is this right for me?" It didn't take long for me to figure out that it was.

Please feel free to leave comments or ask any questions by clicking HERE. Or, you can email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.

Read more soon.