"Questions Answered"

I have been asked to post my answers to some very frequently asked questions. This will help everyone understand better as to why I decided to do this.

1. Are you getting money for donating.

No. I am not receiving any money or gifts for this. It’s against the law. I’m simply doing this to help.

2. How much money is it costing YOU?

All of the flight, hotel, and rental car expenses are being paid by the recipient. This is something that not all recipients can afford to do. Some donors opt to pay that themselves, but I’m not in the position to do so. As far as work goes, I don’t anticipate missing much work b/c I’m taking my laptop with me. I’ll only be in the hospital 1 or 2 days. After that, I’ll be working from my hotel room.

3. How much time do you think this will cost you?

Wow. This is a hard question. I’ve never sat down and figured it all out. I would guess that by the time I’m done with the surgery and follow-up appointments, it will have taken me about 24 days worth of emailing back and forth, taking blood tests, traveling, surgery, and follow-up appointments. As far time off from work, it won’t be much. I’m lucky enough to have a job where I work from home on a computer. I can easily do most of my job from Phoenix. For someone that’s considering doing this and they don’t have the luxury of working from home, it could be a problem. They have to make sure that their boss is supportive of their decision and potential time off from work. I would say that they would miss an average of about 4 weeks total for testing and recovery; possibly more.
If you count time I've spend researching kidney donation, it's more like 40 days.

4. What do your boys think about it? Do they have different feelings about it due to their ages?

When I first approached my boys about this, they said, “What is that?” They didn’t even know what a kidney was. I showed a picture of it to them on the computer. I explained how I had two good ones and this man had no good ones and that I was just going to share one of my extra ones. My 8 year old son said, “That’s nice of you mommy.” My 5 year old said, “Yuck!” So, there is definitely a difference in intellectual understanding between the two of them. They have both been through surgeries with me before; even more major than this one. They know that mommy is pretty tough. They actually seem to be proud of me.

5. Have you thought about what would happen should one of your four boys need a kidney one day? What made you decide to donate even though they might need a kidney one day?

Yes, I have thought of that. It’s a question that I’ve been asked my many people. We don’t have kidney disease or diabetes in our family, so the likelihood of either of them having kidney disease is slim. They could have some kind of traumatic injury that could cause it. I’m the kind of person that believes that God must have given us two kidneys so that we could help others that don’t have a good one. I can’t withhold helping a sick person now just b/c one of my children MIGHT need one later. We have a large family, and I feel certain that we would have no trouble finding another kidney for my child. Plus, with the anti-rejections drugs that are available today, you don’t even have to be a perfect match.

6. You are a mom of four boys. There's always 'danger' in surgery. What pushed you toward this decision to donate despite that?

I am married. My husband is in the Air Force and is currently stations in Kuwait until the end of September. Since my two step-sons live with their own mother, that’s not a concern. They will be taken care of. My boys will naturally go live with their father if something should happen to me during surgery. I know that they will be well taken care of and loved as much as I love them. It will be hard on them, but I hope that they would be proud of me anyway. If it’s God’s will for me to die donating a kidney, I’m ok with that. I have complete confidence in the doctors and staff at Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. It’s one of the best transplant hospitals in the country. They have not lost even one donor yet. That’s good enough odds for me.

7. What are the ethical issues, if any, you've dealt with and how did you resolve them?

The ethical issues I’ve dealt with are that I’m donating to a “stranger”. I put stranger in quotations because I feel like I’ve known this family forever. I originally met them on LivingDonorsOnline.org. So, ethicists wonder why someone would go out of their way to donate an organ to someone they don’t know. What benefit would I get from it? With a family member or friend, you get the benefit of having them around longer. With a stranger, you don’t get that. For me, the simple thought of being able to help someone is my benefit. My feet haven’t touched the ground ever since I found out we were a match. All I want out of this is simply to help another human being.
One other ethical question I’ve been asked is “Do you think you’re playing God by choosing your donor directly?”. My answer is no. I don’t. I feel like I used the avenue that was available to me. It was either that or not at all, because I didn’t know of another way at the time. I knew there was a National Registry, but it costs about $75-80 to be tested, and the donor has to pay. I just couldn’t afford it. I feel like God would be proud that I’m helping, plain and simple.

"The Cause"

Some people ask me why I'm doing this. This is a question that I've answered many times. I am simply doing it to help another person in need. I've always been a giving person. This just seems natural to me. It won't significantly affect my life, so why not?

Why am I blogging about this? It helps to answer many of my family and friends questions about kidney donation. Also, I'm hoping that it will bring attention to people in hopes that more people will come forward and donate.

I feel that there are a lot of people out there with big hearts that would be more than happy to donate to someone if they knew someone that needed one. Well, only a small percent of people know someone that needs a kidney, yet there are so many out there that do. There are also many that die each day waiting for a matching kidney that never comes. It's a needless and preventable death. Many of these people are children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. It breaks my heart.

I was one of the people that wondered how I could donate to someone if I didn't know anyone that needed one. I had called the National Registry and found out that it cost money to get put on the list. It cost ME money to be tested! I didn't have it. So, I forgot about it.

It wasn't until a friend at school told me that he was waiting on a kidney that I reentertained the thought of donating. Unfortunately, we were not compatible blood types. As heartbreaking as it was to me, I knew that there had to be someone out there that I could help. To me it didn't really matter who it was.

I didn't really want to help out a serial killer or rapist, so I started looking online. That's when I found the website LivingDonorsOnline.org. This website was a Godsend to me. It was just what I had been looking for. I just needed a way to communicate with others that were searching for a kidney. So, I posted my blood type and told people that were compatible to email me. That's where it all began.

There is also a site called MatchingDonors.org that I've seen. This site works a little differently. It's more like a dating site. You get to see more about your potential recipient. They recipient has to pay a membership fee to have their profile on the site. The potential donors are free. So, the donors get on the site and look around until they find one they like.

Some say that it's ethically wrong to do it that way; that you're playing God. You're only picking people that have great computer and/or writing skills and possibly even the best looking candidate. Personally, I didn't like that site as much as the one that was more anonymous. I was willing to give my kidney to the first interested person that I got a good feeling from.

Unfortunately, there was no way of telling if the person was a serial killer or any of that. After talking to this family, the Mayo Clinic, and their friends, I feel pretty sure that he's not.

I feel very comfortable with this family and love them dearly. I feel blessed to be a part of their lives. Masud and I will forever share a bond that only he and I can understand. And, if after the surgery, he and his family decide that they want to move and and not revisit that part of their life over and over, I'm ok with not being a long-time friend as well. I will just write to make sure that he's ok. As far as I can tell, his wife, Sharmin, intends on staying friends with me. She and I bonded pretty instantly.

I also just came across a really neat site that talks about a sort of "chain donating". Click on this link to see the video:
http://www.kidneyregistry.org/

If anyone has any ethical issues that they would like to discuss with me, feel free to either leave a comment HERE or email me at melswanson502@yahoo.com.